Free pdf WallbangerAuthor Alice Clayton –

5 Bring it on home, Wallbanger stars This was me 95% of the book and laughing This is the story of wallbanging photographer Simon and interior designer Caroline Their apartments are across the hall from each other and the walls are very very you can hear everything that s going on in each other s apartments Are you following me so far Well, Simon doesn t do relationships, flowers, etc.and one night while BANGING yes he was.he hears BANGING and not the kind you re thinking of DOOR BANGING.he then meets the lovely Caroline They don t get along at firstbut then they become friends and things really start to heat up Yes this is a love story, but it s also a laughing your ass off rolling on the floor funny, hilarious book WHY Because of that cat, CLIVE, Mr Scene Stealer I recommend this book to everyone.seriously if you haven t read it yet.READ IT, and if you ve read it.READ IT AGAIN clapping hands CLIVE.the scene stealer The girl next door was meowing What in the world was my neighbor packing to make that happen Simon and Caroline Simon does commando God bless America Beneath the sheet which was already lower on his hips than should be legal HeWasStillHard Now you listen here, mister, I said, trying for a adult tone I m not going to spend every night listening to you try to crash you girl s head through my wall with the force of your dick alone How do you make Wallbanger stop smirking You kiss him My shirt bunched up around my waist, and the feeling of his hi there against my hoohah was indescribable Yep still laughing You really have no idea, do you No idea about what How thoroughly you own me, Nightie Girl, he said, leaning in to whisper this part in my ear And I know I love you enough to want you to have your happy ending You know those moments when everything is exactly the way it was meant to be When you find yourself and your entire universe aligning in perfect synchronization, and you know you couldn t possibly be content I was inside that very moment, and fully conscious of it What is with these OMG Super Hot Fun books that become all the rage here on GR lately And they are all the same.A Mary Sue heroine with a perfect job and perfect friends who looks perfect but for some reason is alone and sexually frustrated And she s all kinds of batshit about her perceptions of men or sex or men AND sex Thus, the heroine of what exactly Then the hero Well he s of course otherworldly gorgeous and fit, although he puts absolutely no effort into becoming that way, and most of the time he s super rich of course and the very definition of Prince Charming, except rouge and rascal than sweet and heroic Thus, not really a hero.Even so, I usually make it farther than I did in this book and not because this book is worse by no means will anything scar me worse than the virginity scene in In Flight shivers but because I ve just had enough If I hadn t had enough I might have struggled through and given this 3 stars in the end.But that s another reason I m doing this this way 4 1 2 stars overall rating for this book That is hysterically misleading.And this girls problems with her frakkin O and all of these blatant attempts as farcical humor are just too damn much Oh, and this cat everyone is mooning over, Clive He s the most unrealistic of all He s like cartoon Garfield unrealistic And trust me, I know some cats with personality but this is just stupid rant. The first night after Caroline moves into her fantastic new San Francisco apartment, she realizes she s gaining an intimate knowledge of her new neighbor s nocturnal adventures Thanks to paper thin walls and the guy s athletic prowess, she can hear not just his bed banging against the wall but the ecstatic response of what seems as loud night after loud night goes by like an endless parade of women And since Caroline is currently on a self imposed dating hiatus, and her neighbor is clearly lethally attractive to women, she finds her fantasies keep her awake even longer than the noise So when the wallbanging threatens to literally bounce her out of bed, Caroline, clad in sexual frustration and a pink baby doll nightie, confronts Simon Parker, her heard but never seen neighbor The tension between them is as thick as the walls are thin, and the results just as mixed Suddenly, Caroline is finding she may have discovered a whole new definition of neighborlyIn a delicious mix of silly and steamy, Alice Clayton dishes out a hot and hilarious tale of exasperation at first sight Reread I was worried that this wouldn t be as great as the first time I read it I was wrong, thank god It was so good So fuckin good There were numerous times I started to tear up because my emotions were going haywire I m just so in love with this book Well, hello there, my new favourite Come to mama I judged this book by the title And I feel like an absolute fool now, because fuck me, I loved this Loved it I can t wait to reread it and continue on with the series And read other books by this author. Review posted at Swept Away By Romance 3 1 2 to 4 starsThere s no doubt Wallbanger is a fun, delightful, moderately sexy, feel good read that bordered on the ANNOYING There were times I felt like wallbanging my head against the wall with the amount of unresolved sexual tension this poor couple was put through Geez This particular aspect of the story became so frustrating I enjoyed getting to know the two main characters, Simon and Caroline They were endearing, playful maybe a little immature for their ages but very likable characters Their fun and witty banter and developing friendship was what I loved the most about this book I can t end this review without a SHOUT OUT to Clive, the cat Oh, boy, could that cat be in the wrong place at the wrong time Understatement of the century But, I loved his involvement in the story At times I felt the cat actually eclipsed the two main leads I love when an author has the ability to make an animal an intricate part of the plot Other than my previously mentioned annoyances, I had a blast reading this book If you re looking for a simple, fun, and engaging afternoon read, you ll probably enjoy this one. Kittens,lay back.You are about to get Wallbanged I was an addict craving her dose.I was lost in a dull world full of mundane stuff for so long I almost became a mundane myself.After a month of abstinence from reading and severe book deprivation,after long days and bookless nights,the time came to return where I belong.And I had to celebrate I wanted something light.I wanted saucy and funny and Wallbanger promised to deliver them all.And oh boy,it did But it also delivered sweet,and fluffy,and dreamy and a new book boyfriend that reduced me into a puddle of goo.It s official people,I m in love Again Fucking Wallbanger, I hissed, frozed on the spot His grin slid off as well as he played place the face for a moment Fucking Pink Nightie Girl Caroline has a wonderful job and wonderful friends and a wonderful new apartment and a wonderful cat and her life would be guess what wonderful if it wasn t for two things her missing O and her neighbor s loud midnight activities The girl next door was meowing What in the world was my neighbor packing to make that happen What sucks though is that the aforementioned annoying but gifted neighbor is super hot.Sahara hot.And that Caroline is forced to play nice with Simon despite wanting to bang his head on the banging wall but at the same time she wants him to bang her against the god banging wall.See the problem here You gonna bang my walls, Simon I laughed You have no idea, he promised The result Tension,innuendos,sexual frustration,banters,tension,laugh out loud moments,tension and did I mention tension Oh,and a really horny cat Alice Clayton s writing is freaking hilarious,I can t remember the last time I laughed this hard I had permanently a huge grin plastered on my face and I hosted a butterfly party in my stomach and that wasn t the work of Caroline and Simon s off the charts chemistry alone The way their feelings developed and unfolded was really heartwarming and sweet,a slowly burning process that made Wallbanger a really romantic book They cooked together,they watched movies together,they shared their secrets and hopes and then they gave in to their animal attraction.I must admit I never expected a guy named Simon to be this sexy Oh how I wish I had a wallbanging neighbor but alas ,the closest house is my late grandfather s house.If I hear those walls banging,it will be the beginning of a Supernatural episode and not a great romance.Unless Sam Winchester pops up and rescues me.That would be nice.My point is,if you want to laugh and swoon and escape stupid reality,this is the book for you Plus,you re going to meet a very interesting cat So disappointed This book went from O.M.G to a big fat D.N.F at 75% I really and I mean REALLY enjoyed the opening of this book, and was looking forward to a great read But in the end, I gave it too much of my time and finally just had to call it quits Oh, it started off so funny and original The Wallbanger and Cock blocker jokes were cute Simon was such a mystery, and Caroline was a person I would love to hang with if she was a real person Her conversations with her cat had me laughing And when Simon and her finally met, the banter was so well done The story stayed on pace for a while, but around the halfway mark it got a little juvenile for my tastes In the quest for friendship with Simon, Caroline got a bit whiney and started playing head games The banter got a bit over the top The cliches got a bit thick And I was like WTF Caroline And then the story got really farcical, but I persisted Caroline started to really rub me wrong What is happening to her She is turning into a desperate, stupid big fat cliche from every bad Chick Lit book I ve read Then she really, really started to make me not like her The romance between her and Simon was turning into rainbow farting unicorns, and the delusions dancing in her head were no longer entertaining I no longer wanted to hang with her, assuming she was a real person And the story about her friends got weirder and weirder By the time I quit, Simon was the only thing about this book I still really liked And that is how I plan to remember him, because I am so afraid if I finish this book I will end up not liking him either So DNF at 75% ETA downgraded to 3 stars September 20, 2015 Hello O Nice to see you again With his lips he brought me one 3.5 stars I mean it And I want half stars Once upon a time there was a missing O The pressure of an O long denied, waiting patiently and sometimes impatiently for her release Lucky you, because you found The Wallbanger Simon How s the pressure now Caroline Do you want me to hurt you Shut it a look of dreamy bliss on her face Enter Baba Hey guys I wanna have a little chat with you Are you game nodding heads left and right Baba beams Okey dokey, let s get started Honestly, I am not someone who beats around the bush Are you two for real look of utter confusion on their faces Oh, come on, are you a little bit slow on the uptake When I was reading your story I had to wonder now and then why you could not jump each other s bones sooner rather than later Sheesh Yep By the way, I was waiting impatiently as well I could feel the pressure and the sexual frustration tension, no doubt about it If I take everything into account, then I have to tell you that you stressed my patience to its limit Don t get me wrong, I am all for a great build up but why oh why did you have to wait so long till you hit the sheets eventually Tell me, guys, is there a specific reason No, Simon, please do not interrupt me now since I m warming up so nicely Yeah, I got it It s been a very long time since you ve had a girlfriend and you didn t want to screw it up Yeah, yeah, you didn t know how to handle the delicate situation Point taken Oh, Simon, no worries, I ll be gentle pets At least I ll give it an honest shot.I ll give it to you straight, dude Your stay in Tahoe was one seriously annoying mess, at least if you ask me and if you don t ask me I don t care either Period Do you remember what happened there I mean you have view spoiler this make out session in the hot tub and thenpoof Nada Rien ne va plus You just chickened out hide spoiler BANG BANG BANG Oh GodBANG BANG BANG Oh God.BANG BANG BANG OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOOOOOODDDD THE WALLS ARE SHAKING, PICTURES ARE FALLING DOWN RUN FOR COVER PEOPLE GRAB YOUR FAVOURITE BOOK, SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR DRESS AND HIDE UNDER THE TABLE I THINK WE RE HAVING AN EARTHQUAKE BUT Wait A Sec..Not an earthquake..nope, definitely not an earthquake.One, only one wall is shaking..LIKE SOMEONE S BANGING ON IT Let s take a closer look, Shall we OH, GOD Thump Oh, God Thump thump What the Oh, God, that s so good Mmmm Yeah, baby Right there Just like that Don t stop, don t stop OH OH OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Mystery solved, readers Meet NOT The Wallbanger..BUT THE WALLBANGER Name Simon Wallbanger Parker Age 28 years Occupation Freelance photographer Interests Pleasing the ladies by doing it in a rattling the headboard shaking the wall making a woman meow and giggle style with maybe some spanking thrown in He can definitely bang it home, ladies Definitely a wallbanger Notice Something MISSING That s right The BIG O Meet O This Orgasm O is the Property of Caroline Pink Nightie Girl Reynolds, a 26 year old interior designer Missing since Last Six Months Culprit Cory Weinstein The machine gun fucker who d hijacked the O Description of the event by the victim This was the worst kind of sex This was machine gun style fast, fast, fast This was thirty seconds on the tits, sixty seconds on something that was about an inch above where he should have been, and then in And out And in And out And in And out.But at least it was over quick, right Hell, no This horribleness went on for months Well, no But for almost thirty minutes Of in And out And in And out My poor hoohah felt like it had been sandblasted Remedies Tried Jason Bourne, Matt Damon, George Clooney..ALL OF THEM HAVE FAILED WHAT TO DO NOW Let s look for someone closer to home..Simon Wallbanger meet Caroline Caroline meet Simon Wallbanger Problem solved YAYYY But, NO WAIT, WHAT S THIS Why are you such a manwhoring asshole I asked Why are you such a cockblocking priss he askedNOOOOOOOOOO..NOW, HOW WILL WE EVER FIND Oh noI m not crying.Alright, yes I ambut how can I not when I m laughing so hard image error Text messages between The Book and Blacky So, what do you think about me Well you weren t short at all D Well yeah I m pretty long and thick Just about average I d say Pfttt you are average missy Didn t you like all the humor Yeah it was good I guess, the scene with Dr Ross was the best D Ohhhh yes, makes me think of dirty things, that man I wish I had my O back Yes, I wish it too Your O brought frustration to me than it did to you Whatcha sayin You didn t like all the sexual frustration How is that possible How is that possible indeed And what about my story What did you think of that Story What story Book, all you talked about was the lack of orgasms, flirtation, sexual frustration, sex I may have forgotten a sexual thing or two that were mentioned P Mmmmmmm sexxxxxx Me wants the big O Hello book Focus I am talking to you Talking Talking about sex Mmmmmm sexxxxxx Me wants the big O I am facepalming here Can you try to have a nice conversation without thinking of sex Me Thinking about sex Mmmmmmm sexxxxxx Me wants the big O Sigh I give up Did you just write sigh Well that s a hell of a time to start noticing P Blacky, Simon, Caroline, The Cat, The Book and The Friends are on a road trip, traveling in the car together Blacky OMG I have to endure several hours in the car with Mr Horny and Ms Hornier and the CatfromHell Ughhh The friends are interesting though, but even they think of nothing but sex I see Simon is looking at Caroline in a smouldering way His eyes don t stop twinkling for goodness sake Simon Why am I thinking about Caroline all the time Hm must mean I want to wallbang her too Damn that will be tough cause she can t stop arguing with me Why does she hate me so much Oh yeah, I bang girls like crazy Mmmmmmmm Banging Walls Why doesn t this car have walls Caroline Simon keeps touching the inside of the car, I don t think he likes it He does like f cking girls through the wall though I want to be f cked through a wall Wait, no I don t I hate Simon But he s so pretty, my lower Caroline says I don t care He s a jerk But I keep flirting with him all the time, my lower Caroline says So what I can flirt and do whatever I like cause I don t have my O any Oh O how I miss you The CatfromHell They don t have a clue evil laugh I will make their lives misarable evil laugh The girl loves me, but I don t plan to let her have her O back with the arrogant man evil laugh I will spoil all their plans eventually evil laugh My throat hurts from all the evil laughing coughs Simon Did that cat just evil laughed at me I must be hearing things Oh well back to thinking about sex And Caroline Damn, I m hard Will she stop looking at me with those hungry eyes Damn, I m even harder now Must Squirm In My Seat Caroline Simon keeps squirming all the time What is his problem He s got to have a big hard on just for me Too bad I can t give it to him cause he s a jerk and I don t have my O back But I feel some suspicious fluttering, my lower Caroline says YAY I m gonna jump him as soon as I can Without actually having sex with him Ahhhh I just love that sexual frustration The Friends They are all so stupid ahahahaha we have found our someones to have sex with ahahahahaha we don t suffer any sexual frustration ahahahahaha Blacky OMG these people are driving me crazy Simon is trying to hide his hard on, Caroline is talking to her belly, the cat is making some funny evil noises, and the friends are probably high or something, they can t stop laughing Jeez Is anything going to happen here that doesn t have anything to do with sex or having sex or the lack of sex Guess not The Book I am so happy D Everyone is horny and thinking about sex So awesome I am never going to let anyone do it ever again Well, maybe The Friends will But man oh man, there s nothing better than blue balls and frustration Just love it Oh I have to think of a few scenes well make it dozen at least , where they ll want to have sex but couldn t do it for some reason Oh yes I think I will form an alliance with The CatfromHell Awesome Oh Mmmmm Yes, to the left Harder Yesssssss Oh yes, that s soooo gooood Harder, yes, there Push it Ohhhhhhhhh I just love going to the masseur You d THINK I was doing something naughty But no.Lots of these in the book too DDD Anyway let me tell you what I thought about it in general No plot whatsoever.Too much sexual frustration.Humor was OK, but would be better if there was just a bit less of it, you know, sometimes too much of a good thing can make you sick DI don t really mind the fact that they had to wait practically for the view spoiler end of the book to do the deed hide 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